so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
