Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
