She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
