He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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