READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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