Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
