Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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