why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
