Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
