bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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