I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
