My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
