16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
