If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
