in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
