she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
