i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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