Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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