stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
