Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
