Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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