the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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