I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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