please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
