i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
