Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
