Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
