So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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