I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
