You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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