You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
