I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
