I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
