so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
