Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
