Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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