He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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