It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
