i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
