capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
