I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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