I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
