Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
