You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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