you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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