U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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