suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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