why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
