Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
