This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
