HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
