my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
