The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
