All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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