I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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