maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
