yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
