what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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