no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
