i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
