So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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