4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
