Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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