Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
