If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
