the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just tell him i said nine months
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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