You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
