Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
