she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
