This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
