i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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