why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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