I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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