I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize