I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
