Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
