i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
