we're blogging at a bar
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
