I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
