Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
