Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
