Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
