Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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