I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
