I hate all girls vehemently.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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