the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
