You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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