I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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