so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
